rainstorms and butcher paper

So I work graveyards, therefore I sleep during the day when I can before I work. Sunday I went to sleep after church because I needed to stay up all night and work. It was raining. In our back yard we have a covered patio. I believe it is aluminum or something similar. When the rain falls it makes a pitter patter noise. Today in my half asleep nonsense I ask O'Ryan, "why are the neighbor's playing with butcher paper?" This makes no sense. I was picturing the neighbors outside with long rolls of butcher paper waving them around making the noises.

one year

Well our little Michael would be one year old today. I'm not going to lie, it really really sucks. There is not a day that goes by that we don't think about him, and wish we could hold him, change him, see him grow, hear him cry. Just posting some pics of our three months with our little man.












I don't know that a wound like this ever really heals. I try to usually be upbeat in the blog, but I just can't do it today. You find yourself wishing you could have done more. Been at the hospital all the time. You hate yourself for every minute you couldn't be there. I know Michael is waiting for us and is in a better place. I just hope it's somehow easier for him waiting for us than it is for us to wait to see him. We love and miss you baby.